Parenting a teenage child is never easy. Arguments and disagreements can sometimes feel like an essential part of familial life , especially during the teenage years ,but in some families it goes far beyond than arguments. Acting out is all a part of growing up and is actually a perfectly healthy part of any teenage child development. But if your teenager is being regularly verbally aggressive or even physically violent , this can cause real problems in your home.
Why do teens act the way they do?
Parenting a teenage child is never easy. Sometimes it may be hard to believe, but you should accept it like your teenager is not an alien come from a different planet , just they are wired differently. A teenager’s brain is still actively developing , therefore processes information differently than a mature adult’s brain. Your teen may be taller than you and seems mature in some respects but often they are simply unable to think things through an adult level. Hormones produced during the physical changes of adolescence can further complicate things. The hormonal changes may help explain why teens behave so impulsively or frustrate parents and teachers with their poor decisions , social anxiety and rebelliousness.
It is important to remember that while teenagers are individuals with unique personalities and their own likes and dislikes , some traits are universal. No matter how much teen seems to withdraw from you emotionally ,no matter how independant your teen appears or how troubled your teen becomes , they still need your attention and to feel loved by you.
Handling disrespectful behaviour of teenage –
Tips for communication –
1) Stay calm – This is important if your child reacts with attitude to a discussion .Stop ,take a deep breath and continue calmly with what you wanted to say.
2) Use humour – A shared laugh can break the shield of tense environment ,bring a new perspective ,lighten the tone and take the heat out of a situation.
3) Ignore shrugs ,raised eyes and bored looks towards your child make situation more crucial. Make sure that you give them the opportunity to express their point of view and listen as they do so.
4) Check your understanding with child.
5) Give descriptive praise when your child communicates in a positive way.
Tips for relationships –
1) Be a role model. When you are with your child ,try to speak and act the way you want your child to speak and act towards you.
2) If there is a lot of tension between you and your child ,you must call another trusted adult who might be able to support your child. This can ease the strain.
3) Check in with your child to make sure there’s nothing that’s making your child feel particularly stressed or worried.
4) Get to know your child’s friends.
Tips for discipline –
1) Set clear family rules about behaviour and communication .E.g. we speak respectfully in our family .This means we don’t call people by their names.
2) Focus on your child’s behaviour and how you feel about it. Avoid any comments about your child’s personality or character .Instead of saying your child you are rude , say something like , I feel hurt when you speak like that with me .
Things to avoid with Teenage disrespectful behaviour –
1) Don’t argue with your child.
2) Talking to your child in angry mood is just not worth talking at that time.
3) Being defensive is not useful. Try not to take things personally.
4) Even though you have more life experience , lecturing your child about how to behave is likely to turn them off listening.
5) Nagging is not at all effective.
When to be concerned about teenage disrespect –
If your child’s attitude towards you and your family doesn’t respond to any of the strategies suggested , it might be a warning sign that there is a deeper problem.
Consider seeking professional support – good people to talk to include school counselors , teachers etc.
How to deal with Teenage disrespecful behaviour –
- Encourage your child for breathing exercises and meditation to calm theirselves down.
- Give them space .
- Be clear.
- Talk to their school about their changing behaviour.
- Avoid using violence towards your teen.
- Array counseling.
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